apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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