peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
