forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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