I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
