she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
