Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
why does every cop we meet know your name?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize