the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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