I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
