Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
