I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
