Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
BRING THE BAGELS
Randomize
