Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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