Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The beer is more important than you right now.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
