I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
