I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
