She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
