Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
