Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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