So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
