So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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