Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize