so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
