Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
