omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My vagina just clenched in fear
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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