He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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