i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
