Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think I sprained my soul last night
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
