she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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