I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
