is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
