ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I intend to get homeless drunk
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
