just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
