kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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