you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
She said her name was "party"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
