wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
