She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
