I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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