if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
