conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
