Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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