if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
