how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
