GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
