Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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