you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
