I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You pole danced in your parka.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
