I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
