DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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