fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
