Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
