His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
