Barsexuality is the new black.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
