somebody snuck up and got me drunk
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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