u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
