When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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