A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
