Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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