This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Randomize
