You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
