How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
