she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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