So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
