you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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