your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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