Im at strip club and am horny
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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