Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
