i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
