I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
