Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
