Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
